Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Feeling broken this morning...

One of the hardest parts about the last three weeks since our little Kitty has been born is the uncertainty of everyday...  When we go into to the hospital to see Grace in the morning I never know what we will walk in to or when we call to check on her in the middle of the night, I never know what kind of report we are going to get.  As I mentioned before, it feels like we take 2 steps forward and 3 steps back... at the end of last week her blood pressure was high and that was a concern, now this morning I find out that her blood pressure is too low (45/20 ish) and so they are trying to figure out the cause.  They were doing an echo when I called to see if there has been a decline in her heart function and we were told when we called in the middle of the night that she was very agitated and couldn't be consoled, so they assumed it was pain and had to give her morphine.  That alone kills me to hear because our little Kitty really only fusses if she has a dirty diaper, so what ever was causing her discomfort must have been pretty bad.  I know that God is not surprised by all of the turn of events that have taken place, so we will continue to rest, trust and hope in His perfect power, peace and provision.  Will you please pray that we feel God's embrace during those times when we are tempted to doubt and fear.  Please also pray that Kitty's heart is functioning stronger than ever and that the low blood pressure is due to something easily fixed like the tweaking of her medication.

As I was driving home a few minutes ago, I saw a man mowing his lawn very slowly and as I got closer to him, I noticed that he walked with a significant limp and it appeared that his left arm was immobile as he carried it close to his chest.  I was amazed and so proud of him for serving his family by mowing the lawn even though it took him far more time and effort than it takes most able bodied folks.  He had to steer the lawn mower with one hand while trying to keep his balance due to his limp.  I felt like he was the perfect visual for how I feel this morning.  I'm limping along, barely getting the job done (for me it's not mowing the lawn, but instead trying to serve my family well in this time where I feel like I'm being pulled in all different directions, while seeing one of my little angels fight for her life over and over again), but in my pain and exhaustion I'm reminded what God says in 2 Corinthians 12:9 "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  Then Paul goes on to say...  "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong." I'm grateful that I don't have to do it in my own strength because my Heavenly Daddy is all powerful and can never out love or out give me (or you :-).

Thank you for your prayers this morning, I really need them :-)

4 comments:

Wendy G said...

Kristi- I continue to keep you in prayer and hope that God fills you with peace each morning that you wake. I cannot imagine the anguish and anxiety you must be experiencing, just not knowing...we all hope that you feel the collective brace of your friends, family, and old classmates. Love you girl! Wendy Gauvry

Deborah & James said...

Kristi and David....you both are such a beautiful example of what we are called to be as Christians. I am so touched by your strong faith! God is hearing our prayers and in his divine and constant love will continue to hold you close and keep you in his mercy! Father God we just ask you to cover little Grace with your mighty healing hands, to strengthen her heart and her tiny body. We ask that you give Kristi Peace for her days, that she finds your strength when hers is wavering and that you show her your majestic hands at work. We pray for David, that he is given the wisdom of your guidance and your love! That he feels string for his family and that you recharge his soul. Father God we ask you to be with Abby and Andrew, please touch their little hearts and give them a feeling of security and understanding while their family is walking this hard road!! We all this in Christs Name..Amen.

love you guys, Deborah

Kristin Tassin said...

My heart aches for you and your family. I am amazed by the strength of your faith during such a difficult time. Know that God will use you in this - you are already a shining light to others. Praying for you today and your sweet little Grace.

Caryn said...

I hope today was better for you. I'm praying.