Thursday, November 29, 2012

Sweetness and chaos...

The past couple of weeks have been full of sweetness and chaos :-)

A few weeks ago we dedicated Grace at church and boy was it a tear filled event (tears of joy)!  It was special for a multitude of reasons, but some of the most significant ones include the sheer magnitude of what we were doing before God and our brothers and sisters in Christ.  Baby dedication is really an outward statement of our commitment and desire to raise our children in a home that knows, loves, and honors the Lord above all.  It is also a commitment by the congregation to come alongside of us (and all of the other dedicated children of course) and assist us in pointing our children towards Christ and being Christ like examples themselves.  I have always known that our children are a gift from God, simply on loan to us until He returns to call His people home.  I have also always known that God loves our children more than we ever could, so we can fully trust Him with our (His) precious treasures.  The reality of those two truths have never been more deeply felt and understood by me until we met our little angel, Grace. There was a time when, I'm embarrassed to say, I wondered if God was punishing us with a child that by the world's standards was "broken." In fact, we received the phone call from the geneticist on a Friday, just as David and I were heading out of town for a "baby moon" at a bed and breakfast.  I spent that weekend kicking, screaming, and feeling beyond fearful about what our future would hold.  While on our "baby moon" we wandered into an antique shop after lunch one day and I stumbled upon this...  God knew that it was the exact reminder that I needed every day (or ever minute of every day) as we waited until we finally got to meet Grace face to face.  Here is what it said...


Now I know the real meaning of this, that Grace (God's unmerited favor) is a gift from God, which it TOTALLY is!!!  However, to me this was a reminder that the baby in my tummy was not "damaged goods," but instead a GIFT from God.  When you think of the word gift I'm guessing that you (like me) think of something that you want and are happy to receive.  I had a hard time feeling like I wanted my baby to have a broken heart and an extra chromosome; however, I stood there in front of our church as we were dedicating Grace (crying of course) knowing with full confidence that Grace IS a GIFT from God...  a perfect gift that my Heavenly Father hand picked just for me!   As I looked out into the congregation to see so many of our family and friends with their hands raised in the air as a an outward commitment of an inward desire to love and support Grace and us as we raise her was enough to take my breath away.  It meant the world to us that we had some special people there to witness this special day too, my sister in love, Becca and Brian (her husband), and Cean (David's dear friend) and his amazing Father.  Another sweet treat was that some of our dearest friends were also dedicating their babies at the same time!


We also celebrated Andrew's 4th birthday on Monday!  This boy knows how to brighten anyone's day!  Here is a typical day as Andrew's mommy...  We went on a family walk/bike ride a few days ago.  David was helping Abby practice her bike (without training wheels), I had Grace in the baby bjorn and we were walking behind Andrew riding his bike.  We finally got everyone moving in the right direction and all of a sudden I see Andrew come to a screeching halt and start to get off his bike (mean while David and Abby are way ahead of us), so I start to ask Andrew what he is doing and try to tell him to get back on his bike and get moving...  until I see what he stopped for, there was a small patch of flowers just off the sidewalk so he was stopping to get Grace and I a flower (I should have known since he and Abby both always have their eyes peeled for flowers that they can pick for their mommy- SO SWEET!).  Andrew's sweet act was a great reminder to me that I (we) should all be willing to allow ourselves to be inconvenienced or distracted for the sake of showing someone else love and making them smile.  I'm trying to remember this lesson :-).  This is what a big, strong 4 year old looks like...

We almost had a Toy Story birthday cake for the 3rd year in a row, but Andrew picked a Despicable Me ice cream cake instead :-).  Andrew said that this was the "BEST CAKE EVER!"


Here is one of Andrew's very favorite things in the world to do...  wrestle his Daddy!


So those are a few of the super sweet times that we have had the past couple of weeks and the chaotic times are what goes on in my heart lately.  My heart hurts when I think about what will be coming 3-6 months from now...  Grace will be having her second heart surgery!  It certainly wasn't easy to see our newborn go through heart surgery at 2 weeks old, but there is something SO much more heartbreaking about handing her over this time around.  When she was first born, we didn't really know Grace yet and we hadn't experienced life outside of the hospital with her yet.  Now that we know her and have enjoyed so many sweet moments, days, and weeks with her at home (by God's grace) it kills me to think about her going through heart surgery again.  God hasn't left or forsaken us thus far, so we will continue to rest and trust in Him, but we would greatly appreciate your prayers for His peace and provision through this time as we wait to find out when she will need her next surgery, etc.  Will you please also pray that when Grace has her echocardiogram on Dec. 11th that her heart will have grown and looks healthy (so much so, that the Dr's are blown away by what they see)?  That is the outcome that we hope for, but our greatest desire is whatever will bring God the most glory.  Thank you for continuing to lift us up in prayer, it is truly what gets us through each day.  I wish there was a way that I could thank each of you personally, but until that is possible please know that as you read this, I'm thanking YOU for all of your love and support.

Here is a picture of the 2 youngest members of the "zipper club" (zippers acquired from heart surgery) in our family (Grace and her cousin Joe)..


Lastly, I loved being able to praise God along with you for the blessings in your life, so thank you for sharing those with me.  If anyone ever feels led to sharing a prayer or praise with me, know that it is truly my honor to be able to love and support you too (so don't hesitate to e-mail me or facebook me :-).




Friday, November 16, 2012

Praises...

"But the one who boasts must boast in the Lord." - 2 Corinthians 10:17

I have been meaning to boast on God for the past couple of weeks, sharing with y'all some simple blessings that are worthy of praise...

-In the past couple of weeks Grace had her first Cardiology and Endocrinology appointment and an in home evaluation by a Physical Therapist.

-By God's grace, her Cardiologist was very pleased with all of her numbers!  Grace will get an echo at her next Cardiology appointment in mid December where we will get a better idea as to what her heart is doing (is it growing, etc).  Will you please pray that if it's the Lord's will that the left side of her heart will show serious growth and great function? Thanks ;-)

While I was full of anxiety (trying to give it to the Lord) trying to figure out what was taking the Dr's so long to come back in the room to talk to us after reviewing her numbers/chart, calling her pediatrician to ask her some questions, etc (I was convinced that they were going to tell us that they needed to readmit her and move her surgery date up, etc)...  this is what sweet Grace was doing...  Just hanging out with a joyful smile :-).  LOVE HER!!!


-At her Endocrinology appointment we loved the Dr that she was assigned to as he was very knowledgeable, encouraging and commented several times on how great Grace looked.  Her lab work looked great, so they are keeping her on a tiny dose of medication for hypothyroidism.

-At her first PT evaluation the Physical Therapist said that if we didn't tell him that she had "Up's" that he wouldn't have known based on her muscle tone, reflexes, etc.  We are well aware that we are in the very beginning stages of this journey and I know there will be a ton more Dr and therapy appointments of which we may not always get news that we "hope" for, so we feel it's important to give God the glory for great news and put our hope and trust in Him when we get less than desirable news.  Today we will celebrate all of the great reports that we have received thus far!!!

A few more praises...

-I hope this isn't too much information for some of you (if it is, please forgive me...), I got a call from the milk bank at Texas Children's Hospital (where Grace spent her 6.5 weeks in the hospital) and they said that they still had 60 bottles of milk that they forgot to give me when we were discharged...  What!  It felt like Christmas!!!

-Grace FINALLY got her RSV shot yesterday!  It took me 3 weeks of making a ton of phone calls, etc to get it done, but I remain extremely grateful for great insurance and that it all worked out in the end.

-I have a new running partner that makes running SO much fun...
Yep!  My new running partner is my big Kindergartner, ABIGAIL!  She has run 2 miles with me twice now.  She could go much further I'm sure because she's hardly even tired after 2 miles, I just don't want to push her too hard.  I can only imagine what people think when they see us running together because she is 5 and a half years old, but as many of you know she is closer to the size of a 3 or 4 year old, so I hope people don't think that I'm abusing my child, but she loves it!  My favorite part about it is the unrestricted time I have to talk to her about what ever she wants to talk about...

-Andrew's smile ALWAYS blesses my soul...
This is a picture of the Pine Cove Family Camp brochure for 2013...  This was taken last year at Family Camp.  I love this picture because it is just a great action photo of the two boys in my life that know how to melt my heart.

-Abby and Andrew LOVE family bible study time so much that they are always asking us if we can do family bible study.  There requests serve as such a great reminder that we need to stop whatever we are doing (or thinking about all the things that we need to be doing) because nothing is more important to us than our family spending time in God's word together.

-We did our first Buddy Walk this past weekend where we celebrated Down's Syndrome awareness. Even though we kind of assembled our team at the very last minute, we were beyond blessed by our friends and family that came to walk with Team Gracie Doo.  I also praise the Lord that when we asked Abby and Andrew if they noticed any kids or adults there that had Down Syndrome, they both thought about it and couldn't think of anyone that looked any different than them.  Those of you who know me well, know that I'm all about team spirit (especially when it comes to our kids), so I can't wait for the Buddy Walk next year when we can do it full out fever :-).


We made it!!!  All of the kids (and babies) received medals!!!

-I was blessed to be able to go to a prayer and praise night with my sweet friend this week, where I cried tears of gratitude the entire time (gratitude for who God is and all that He is teaching me).  The theme of the night was "hope" which couldn't have been more perfectly titled for one of the main lessons that God has been teaching me over the past 6 months (beginning back at Family Camp when we had just learned about Grace's heart defects)...  more on what God is teaching me about "hope" at a later post...

***If you are still reading, thank you for staying with me and my long winded posts :-).  I know that each of you also have many reasons to praise the Lord for both big and small things (none of which are insignificant), so I would LOVE the honor of praising the Lord for His blessings in your life too.  Will you please do me a huge favor and post a quick comment (either here on the blog or on the facebook post) with a praise(s) from your week?  I know that posting on blogger can some times be annoying because it requires a couple of steps, but I would really love to hear from you if you have a few extra seconds...  or bypass the blog post and post on facebook :-).  Lastly, if there is some way that I can be praying for you, please send me a private message on facebook or e-mail me at k_askin@yahoo.com.

My sweet prayer warriors, will you please keep your prayers coming for Grace and the rest of our family?  We can always feel your prayers as they are what get us through each day.  We love and appreciate each of you!

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Heartbreaking statistic...

There is a statistic that has haunted me since I met our sweet Grace face to face. I had read this statistic multiple times before, but for some reason the Lord has really broken my heart for this cause in a big way the past  few months...  Did you know that 92% of babies that receive an inutero diagnosis of Down's Syndrome are aborted?  Please just stop reading for a moment and let that sink in...  The thing that made this statistic so real to me, stopping me dead in my tracks, is hearing people say to me or my family members something to the effect of "that's great that you didn't abort Grace" or "I'm so proud of you for going through with the pregnancy."  It honestly never ever dawned on me that that is a very real consideration for people.  My heart breaks all over again every time I talk about this subject because I know so intimately the feeling of intense fear and disappointment that comes with the news that your child will not be "perfect" (by our earthly standards).  For the 92% of people that are overcome with that same fear and chose to terminate their pregnancy must mean they are unaware that God doesn't make mistakes and that His grace IS sufficient for us.  That means that enduring what feels like a miserable, impossible, or disappointing situation is not only possible with God, but He has a way of making those situations one of the most joyful journeys you could imagine (in a way that only God can do).  Don't even try to calculate or imagine how He can do that because He tells us that His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts (our little finite brains can't even fathom what He is capable of).  I know that this is true because that's what God tells us in the bible, but also because I have lived it during the past 2 months.  When Grace was in the hospital we saw her intubated, with a cpap machine on, go through open heart surgery, and so much more.  Through those 6 and a half weeks she was in the hospital, we just plugged along, some how finding joy each day (some days more than others :-) and weren't completely over come by the site of our daughter who was covered in tubes and hooked up to multiple machines and monitors.  As I was organizing some of the hospital pictures on our computer, I couldn't even look at the pictures of her with the cpap machine on because of how uncomfortable it must have been and how she must have felt during that time, etc.  I'm amazed that at the time that was our "normal" and God's measure of faith that He gave us, fit the exact portion needed to not just "make it" or "get through it", but to be able to find joy along the way (there is always something to be grateful for- you may just have to search a little (or a lot) harder and longer at times :-).
I apologize if this is tough for you to look at, I know it's tough for me...


In addition, my heart breaks when I think about the loss of a precious life, being made in the image of God (just like you and I), and the rich blessing those parents will miss out on.  I'm not saying for a second that it is easy, nor am I passing any judgment on those people who do choose to abort their "Up's" baby, but instead I want to hug them and share with them what my sweet husband and Sister's in Christ told me...  "we can do 'Down's' and we can do it well", "God only gives these special children to special people", "it will be hard at times, but it WILL be GOOD!," and one of my favorites "we don't 'have to' have a Down's baby, we GET too...we are the chosen ones!"  In case you couldn't tell, the last one was my coo coo husbands response right when we got the diagnosis.  I love his love for God's will no matter what :-).

I shared this with y'all because you are all sweet friends to me (whether I know you personally or not) and I pray that if you ever encounter someone who has received an "Up's" diagnosis that you might be able to better understand the extreme fear associated with the diagnosis and the hope that can be found in Christ alone.  I would love to talk to or pray with anyone that needs hope and support, so please let me know how I can serve you or someone that you know.

On a lighter note...  Here are a couple of pictures from our first Halloween as a family of 5!!!


 Abby and her best friend since birth, Ju Ju...

Grace with her new BFF, Noah...