2 steps forward and 3 steps back...
When we got to the hospital this morning we learned that the Dr's were concerned that Grace may have an infection because of a chest x-ray, decreased blood pressure, she's working harder to breathe, her feet were cold, a mildly elevated temperature and white cell count. They have taken cultures, so we are waiting on those results. They are thinking the change in stats could be one of two things... an infection (which we are praying that not be the case because that will delay heart surgery even further) or a sign that she is ready for her heart surgery. I have to admit that I'm emotionally and physically drained today because it zaps every ounce of energy that I have when I have to see hours of my little sweetie being poked, prodded, and so incredibly uncomfortable (she is on a c-pap machine to help her lungs breathe more easily and it looks terribly uncomfortable in conjunction with a tube in her mouth that I can't even remember at the moment what it's doing). She has been more fussy today than I have ever seen her :-(. I would post a picture, but I can't imagine anyone wants to see a baby with tubes every where, it's no fun. Today, I have been reminded of what our Heavenly Father must feel like as we are kicking, screaming, and crying because we are hurting and we don't know why it has to be this way. I see Grace screaming and looking at me as they are sticking her with needles, ripping tape off of her baby soft skin, or running yet another test on her, as if to say "why are you letting them do this to me?" and knowing full well that there is no possible way to explain to a newborn that everything that is being done to her is for her good. All I can do is sing to her while rubbing her head and neck in the way that I know she likes and pray that it will be over soon. I just know that in our time of pain, God is looking at us (as his precious daughters and sons) with tears in His eyes, comforting us in the way that only He knows how because, like His word says, His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts. We (like a sick newborn) can't possibly comprehend what God is doing, but we can trust that He is doing what He knows is best for us. I'm grateful that we serve a God that knows how it feels to weep over a hurting child and that He will carry us through the most difficult times. His grace is sufficient for us, today and everyday.
Will you please pray that Grace does not have an infection and that she doesn't have anymore problems creep up? Please also pray for God's perfect peace and strength to carry us through today and those ahead of us.
On a side note, We are so very proud of Abigail, she got a "star student" award at school today (in the form of being the first one in her class to be able to take home Walter the Whale). Her teacher has been such a blessing to Abigail as well as the rest of our family with all the love, genuine care, and support that she has lavished on us during this time. Also, Andrew had his 2nd day of pre-school today and he went in like such a big boy (with not one fuss :-). Praise the Lord for sustaining us all!
In case I haven't told you lately... We love you all and covet your prayers!