Hurting and Hoping

We (once again) would like to apologize for our lack of presence on the blog or social media, life has been more busy than ever (more on that in a moment) and when I think about posting I don't even know where to start in the way of an update.  In a nutshell, we find ourselves in a strange place... kinda like we are trying to balance a wonky teeter-totter that on one end keeps us on our knees begging God to show us how to walk our precious children through so much heartache and frustration and on the other end... also on our knees, we are praising the Lord for His goodness, faithfulness, and the deep love and loyalty our family has for one another/how much we love to be together.  It's that very love and loyalty that breaks our heart when one of our own takes one hit after another and all you want to do is make them smile, make things suck less, and rescue them from all the disappointment. 

In the way of updates- praise the Lord, Andrew's cancer is stable (just a few tiny spots lighting up).  On the other hand, dialysis is kicking our butt (3 days a week, 4 hour sessions and that doesn’t include the commute both ways, and after each dialysis session Andrew is wiped out and typically needs a nap)…. it’s stolen Andrew’s summer and any level of spontaneity we use to enjoy (just picking up and going somewhere, sleeping in, going to eat anywhere we want, jumping in a pool or lake to cool off, and so much more)… but God… we trust that He is working things out, He is near, and He is good, so we will fight to keep our eyes on Him, praying diligently for His hope and perspective on our circumstances.  Despite how it can feel at times, I know God isn't picking on us, but instead He has chosen us to a level of intimacy with Him that will refine us and reveal more about His character.  It's an honor, but not the kind of honor that feels luxurious.

Next steps- Andrew still has a good 4-6 weeks until his fistula is ready to be used for dialysis (please pray it works perfectly as quickly as possible) and another 6-8 weeks for David and I to get trained on accessing his fistula to be able to do dialysis at home. Once his fistula is functioning well, he can get the catheter in his chest out, unfortunately, that won’t be in time to enjoy summer activities before school starts. Even with a fistula, Andrew still can’t play football and he will probably always struggle with getting tired easily because dialysis dries him out so much (they pull off so much fluid off, it leaves him borderline dehydrated all the time). 

Also, dialysis patients struggle with growth, this is something Andrew is very concerned about and it doesn’t help that he’s a Ross (we don’t make big people as it is). He’s only 4’10 and just keeping weight on him is very hard. Will you please pray Andrew grows (a lot). 

Andrew hates having to wake up at 5:30 am three days a week, especially on Saturdays; he also has to see all sorts of other specialists to monitor for risks associated with severe kidney failure. All this to say, he has very little free time these days, which has meant he can’t golf as much as he would like and he only makes it out to the barn to see his horse once or twice a month (we use to go three to four times a week). 

The intent of this post is to be as transparent as possible about what our lives look like right now, in hopes that you will know how to best cover us in prayer (your prayers are what sustain us!). This is a super hard season in life, but God is still on His throne… only in God’s awesome economy can your circumstances suck, but true joy and expectant hope, co-exist. We have so much to be grateful for, especially when we reflect on allll that God has done in the lives of His people since the beginning of time and even more specifically, in our lives.  An attitude of gratitude gets us through each day. 

Abby and I just returned from a week in Seattle, where she got to play up an age group in a showcase tournament, with some precious teammates and families. Her team went all the way to the finals, but lost in over time. Great soccer was played, lots of college coaches on the sidelines, great memories made with great friends, and one on one time with my girl was absolutely priceless. 

Abby’s team went to pk’s in the semi final game (the winner moving on to finals) and Abby was up to take a pk in the “sudden death” round (if you miss it or it’s blocked, we lose) and Abby was SUPER nervous because she naturally didn’t want to be the reason the team didn’t move on. Praise the Lord, she made it, but after the game she said “that might be the most nervous I’ve ever been in my life… I was even more nervous than how I feel waiting to hear Andrew’s scan results.”  I know she will text us constantly asking for updates when we are at Dr’s appointments with Andrew, but I guess I didn’t realize just how much she worries about him. Between that, and Abby wanting to FaceTime Grace every minute possible, it was a time to rejoice in the love of siblings and the way suffering unites hearts in a powerful way. At this point you have probably seen or witnessed (in some way) Abby’s resilience, selflessness, grit, selflessness, deep faith, selflessness, and love for her family, but this story was a peek into her heart and mind. 

Grace went to Pine Cove Camp in the City (day camp) this week and it was awesome… awesome that she is such a big girl, can make friends/connect with others so easily, and have an absolute blast doing pretty much anything (especially learning about Jesus in the most fun environment ever). 

Another super sweet moment was when we went to pick up Grace's yearbook at school for a yearbook pick up/signing party and I thought we would run in and grab it and head out (since we had big plans waiting for us when we got home... Frozen Monopoly 🤣), but it took waaaay longer than expected because so many precious kiddos wanted Grace to sign their yearbook... further evidence that Grace is the coolest Ross by far and that little experience sure warmed this mama's heart!

I hope this post isn’t a downer in anyway, but instead that you would see into our hearts (the super painful parts and the super grateful parts) and know that we are hurting, but full of hope. Hoping doesn’t mean we ignore reality. I think Lisa Terkeurst said it best, hoping means “we acknowledge reality in the very same breath that we acknowledge God’s sovereignty — His absolute ability and power to work as He sees best.”

We are honored that you continue to fight right along side of us. THANK YOU for never giving up hope and for always leaning in!!! We love and appreciate you so very much!!!