These three prayers tend to be my daily plead with the Lord because let's face it, without God's divine intervention it would be all too easy to be overcome with the uncertainty and depravity of this world we live in.
*"Lord, please help me to see myself, others, and my circumstances through your eyes." It's far too easy to view life through our own fleshly eyes that can be full of doubt, fear, envy, selfishness, confusion, disappointment, discontentment, entitlement, and misplaced affections (making people or things little gods in our lives.
*"Lord, will you please align my heart and mind with your will?" I feel like over the past 17 years, but really intensely over the past 8 years, we have had to make decisions that could literally mean life or death for two out of three of our babies (Grace or Andrew). From the lack of peace we had about how our local children's hospital wanted to handle Grace's very broken heart and the way the Lord lead us across the country to Boston for Grace to have what was a very risky set of surgeries with the hope of a better long term prognosis to Andrew being diagnosed with an exceptionally rare form of cancer that doesn't come with any sort of protocol or pathway, especially not in children. I'm passionate about shared decision making between patients and their care team (you should always feel like an integral part of your child's/your care), but if I'm honest, there are times when I feel an overwhelming sense of responsibility, power, or influence that is waaaay above my pay grade. Since there isn't any evidence available in children with stage 4 pancreatic neuroendocrine tumor (because there are less than a handful of kids that have this type of cancer and I don't know any that are Andrew's age and with his burden of disease... meaning as much disease as he has), it's on us to make BIG decisions around Andrew's care (it was a similar situation with Grace... there had only been one child like her to have the same type of surgeries we were considering), so the last thing we want is to make any decision in our own strength, we need to make sure we hear from the Lord SO clearly! Again, He has been so faithful to answer this prayer in big and small decisions, so we will continue to pray for His perfect wisdom and provision, trusting in His faithfulness because that's the only way we know how to do it. He hasn't left or forsaken us yet, so we trust He won't start now.
*"Lord, help me to see your hand in the details..." I feel like Moses when he told God, if you're not going, I won't go. Seeing God's hand all along the way gives us the peace and comfort we need to put one foot of faith in front of the other. Often times the way God shows us His hand is through y'all! We can't stop thanking you for ALL the ways you stand in the gap for us! There is never a comment, text, email (even if I'm not timely in responding), words spoken, or act of kindness that goes unnoticed or unappreciated.
Update on what we've been up, unexpected twists and turns, and what lies ahead (at least from today's vantage point):
-Andrew has had a great attitude about his broken arm, but it's been super hard not being able to ride Otto, go swimming, ride his bike, etc. He has his next orthopedic appointment on Tuesday next week, so we are praying his bone is healing perfectly aligned and he can get a shorter, waterproof cast on. Will you please join us in praying for that?
We weren't able to go to Pine Cove Family Camp this year because of Covid 19 and the risk it poses to Grace and Andrew, so we were planning to go to Oregon with precious friends in a few weeks. We were hoping it would serve as a giant blessing for Andrew (and the rest of the family) before Andrew embarks on his next round of treatments.
WELL, that was the plan until we learned that David and I had been exposed to someone with COVID 19. We both went to get tested out of an abundance of caution and......................................... I tested negative and David tested positive :-(. We then had all 3 kids tested and PRAISE THE LORD, they were negative. The timing of this COVID 19 exposure means that we can no longer go to Oregon. The kids were obviously devastated that we won't be going to Oregon (they were SO looking forward to it), we can't go to the barn for a bit, and Abby certainly had a lot of tears about about having to miss two weeks of soccer training (she's obviously still finding ways to train at home, but I'm sure it's not the same as her 3 hour training sessions at TTi). Will you please pray that the kids and I will stay safe from getting COVID 19 (David is wearing a mask and trying to stay away from everyone as much as possible)? Will you please pray for an extra measure of strength and endurance for me (trying to work and be the primary caregiver is no easy task) and the kids (the big kids have been so helpful with Grace and taking care of each other, and Grace has had such a great attitude about it too)? Will you please pray that we can find another way to take a family adventure before Andrew's treatment (more on that in a minute)?
All that to say, it's been a rough 5 days so far, but we have seen God's hand in the details. We talk a lot in Ross household about having an attitude of gratitude, so here are the blessings we are grateful for in the midst of disappointment and exhaustion-
-Abby to the rescue... I was feeling so weary and broken on Monday night because I feel like our poor kids just take one hit after another in life (I know that's where their grit and resilience comes from, but it's gut wrenching as a parent to have to watch your kids constantly take a beating and know there's nothing you can do to take away their pain). I gave the kids the best game time pep talk I could muster up, trying to help them fix their eyes back on Jesus (see this through His eyes) and we prayed together before I went to my room to have a quick cry. I walked out after having gotten myself together and Abby handed me my phone and said "I think someone texted you." I looked at my phone and here is the text I found... I'm sharing this with you in case it ministers to you too.
Abby's words ministered to my heart in a way that seemed to make all things right in the world for that moment. Then, a sweet friend and Godly mentor reminded me that it's not about vacations, a horse, soccer, or anything else, but instead it's about pointing our children to Christ, the One who truly satisfies. I'm reminded that they (we) already have the greatest treasure and that treasure can't be taken away by this stupid virus, cancer, a broken arm, or any other disappointment in this world.
more reasons to be grateful...
-The kids have been SO helpful and selfless through it all (so far), especially Abby.
-I've loved getting to lift weights with Abby at home.
-Grace continues to love playing make believe with Andrew, watching/practicing American Ninja Warrior, reading, playing card games, frozen monopoly, and going for a run with me (or Abby) around the block.
My office buddies!
-Andrew's pain has been well controlled (praise the Lord) despite the fact that we know his disease is progressing.
-We have always wanted to rent an RV and we are going to try to make that happen instead of Oregon. The kids are beyond excited about this possibility, so please pray that if it's the Lord's will, it will all work out to be able to squeeze a fun filled trip in before Andrew's treatment.
Speaking of treatment (a lot of you have asked about the details, so here goes)... we continue to praise the Lord for making a way for this Alpha Therapy (so many miracles already revealed in the timing, location, and approval of this treatment) and pray that the Lord carries us through all the nuances... it's starting to get real!!! UPDATE- We got a call from Andrew's treatment facility that the radiation manufacturer had to push back when they will have Andrew's dose available, so his new date for treatment is August 6th. He will have 2 days worth of scans and labs and we have a meeting with his Dr's for a consultation, to sign consents, etc that same week. Lord willing, he will get his first dose of radiation treatment on August 6th, then he and David will leave the clinic where he is treated and stay at a hotel that night, return to the clinic the following day for more scans, and then head to David's parents house where they will live upstairs for a couple nights and then go camping for a couple nights before returning home. After Andrew receives a round of treatment, he has to stay away from Abby and Grace for 4-5 days and we (adults) have to stay a meter away from him at all times because he's radioactive. He has to have his own bathroom, flush the toilet 3 times, we have to bag up any clothes or toys he plays with and put them aside for 2 weeks to allow time for the radioactivity to biodegrade off. In terms of the side effects he will likely experience, he will likely have a rebound of pain from the tumors being radiated, nausea/vomiting, fatigue, and his hair will fall out a good bit. It sounds like he won't be bald, but he will have very heavy "shedding" which will likely make him want to shave his head. Will you please pray all of these side effects are minimal or even non existent? Andrew isn't excited about losing his hair, especially upon entering a new school/campus (he will be going into the 6th grade, which is the most AMAZING school ever, so I know he will be in good hands, but it will be much different than the precious elementary school bubble he's use to). Above all, will you PLEASE pray that this treatment literally eradicates every single cancer cell in his body? The results in the 7 adults that have received this therapy are pretty astounding, however, what we don't know is how long these results last, long term consequences of the treatment (especially in a child), etc, but the good news is that God knows and this story is His to author, so we will continue to pray and hope for a miracle. THANK YOU for being such faithful prayer warriors!!! Your prayers mean everything to us!!! #fightlikeaRoss #butGod #hopeon
