As I'm typing, Abby is at soccer (where she spends much of her time) and Andrew and Grace are dressed up (Andrew is the Sherif and I'm not certain what Grace is.... she has on googles, gloves, a nerf gun, and is carrying around a stuffed horse🤔) and playing make believe. It's like a real life Toy Story episode and my mama heart loves it on so many levels. The fact that the kids love playing together, everyone is healthy enough to play together like "normal" kids, and that in my feeble efforts to practice "resting" (more on that in a minute) I'm able to quiet my heart and mind enough to see God's hand at work right in front of my eyes.
I didn't get a pic of those two playing dress up, but here they are while on vacation... Grace smothering her Bubba with kisses. Abby always wants to hug him too and while he acts too cool much of the time, I know he loves being deeply loved by his sisters.
Since my last post, Andrew had his 3rd treatment, we ran the Snowdrop 55 Hour Relay Race, had an amazing Christmas (thanks in large part to our Candlelighter's family), went on our first family ski trip to Park City, Utah, and now we are gearing up for Andrew's 4th, and Lord willing, final round of the investigational radiation treatment. I would hope to share a couple quick updates and prayer requests, that I pray will be an encouragement to you as we all continue to navigate these CrAzY and uncertain times. Let me start by saying that one benefit of knowing suffering very intimately is that you know, that you know, that you know, no matter how uncertain times are, we serve a God that is certainly (and consistently) good... He only knows how to be good... He can do all things, but fail (I love that song by CeCe Winans called Never Lost), so we can trust that our pain is not in vain. Here are a couple ways we have seen God's hand in the details of this holiday season:
1) The Snowdrop 55 Hour Relay race was virtual this year, but somehow it was just as amazing as the actual/live race... different, but equally as amazing. We so missed the power of the Snowdrop community as you slug it out on that course with hundreds of others that are also pushing their bodies to its breaking point, with the visual and mental pictures of all the kiddos that are battling or have fought the good fight with cancer and when you want to give up or slow down, you remember all that these kiddos have to endure and they don't have the choice not to, they don't have the promise that after 55 hours their pain will be relieved, there is no medal... they are literally in the fight for their life and cancer will change their lives in every way (and their family's lives) forever. We obviously know this reality first hand because we live the battle, but it is not lost on us that it is an incredible gift that so many precious friends choose to spend their New Years running this race in Andrew's honor While we were only 40 runners total for our virtual race this year, our Andrew's Army teams and Team Gabi brought the heat and the fun. Our fast team (which David and Abby ran on) had a goal of 350 miles total and they crushed that goal, totaling 380 miles! Our other two teams also logged some impressive mileage (about 250 miles each) and it was awesome to have so many friends on the course at all times (since it was right in our neighborhood) and we had a super fun New Year's Eve celebration as we cheered on the runners that closed out the race at midnight. Here is another way God showed up and showed off... this is the first year that Andrew was well enough to actually run on a team. Last year he joined us for a couple runs and crushed 5 miles total, that was such a huge accomplishment. This year, I ran the first hour shift with him and he was going hard and quickly realizing that his body was already hurting, getting sore... I explained to him how that's part of the power of the race, we all know that our bodies are going to break down along the way and the sleep deprivation will mess with you, but we count it as an honor to demonstrate grit, enduring the pain as a way to honor him and other kiddos battling cancer. In essence I told him... this is just the beginning of the pain, so you have to make a decision if you are going to lean into it or let it control you. That was the last time he even mentioned pain or fatigue... he ended up running 21 MILES total!!! He would have run more if he had the opportunity. That is all God! Abby and David both ran 38 miles, and I ran 31 miles. The 2020 race is one that I will never soon forget.
All three of us kicked off the race by taking the first hour shift. This is where Andrew realized that this was going to be much harder than he had anticipated, but decided to lean into the pain and embrace the challenge wholeheartedly. Andrew and I ran 5 miles this first shift, that's the total number of miles he ran in last years race. Abby would just pass us over and over again (she would crush 7+ miles each shift), we cheered her on every time we would see her and Andrew started to realize just how hard his sister pushes herself in his honor. It was a very special moment to see Andrew's eyes be open in so many cool ways.
One of our favorite traditions... our 2 am run in the middle of the night!
Couldn't have been more proud of this guy... he pushed himself HARD for all five of his one hour shifts. He ran with David in the middle of the night and brought one of our dogs, Emme, with him because the meds he's on can make his already very vivid imagination even more vivid, so the dark is not his friend to say the least (Emme gave him a sense of security). Since David was running on the fast team, they didn't run together, but they would run by each other often.
Grace was the best cheerleader EVER! She has endless high fives and encouraging words to give!
We are missing a bunch of teammates in this pic, but we adore and appreciate every last one of them. We are also incredibly grateful for the always SO generous shirt sponsors... GURU, JUPITER, and JAPANEIRO'S!!! These are three of our favorite restaurants because it is great food owned and operated by great people, but now more than ever.... let's support small businesses as they try to keep their doors open and serve their customers with excellence despite an impossible situation with this crazy pandemic.
2) The kids Christmas gift was a ski trip to Park City, Utah. They have always wanted to go skiing and we have just put it off for multiple reasons... number one, we wanted everyone to be healthy enough to go and we always worry about Grace's heart at an elevation. We would never live at a high elevation because it just requires Grace's heart to work harder and that could be risky, since that wonky heart of hers doesn't work like a "normal" heart. Her Cardiologist gave us the green light to travel to an elevation and just encouraged us to keep an eye on Grace to make sure she acclimates ok, which is no problem because we always travel with our pulse ox (to measure her oxygen saturations) and check to make sure her gums are pink, cap refills are good, she's not retracting when breathing, etc. We were originally suppose to go to Breckenridge, CO, but changed locations because of all of their covid restrictions. We ended up going to Park City, UT and it wasn't until we were home that we learned that UT has a significantly lower elevation than Breckenridge, making the change in our plans a great one (but God). All that to say, Grace's heart didn't have any problems and everyone was safe and healthy (praise the Lord). Grace had her own one on one ski lesson everyday through the National Adaptive Sports organization; it was not cheap, but money well spent. Grace fell in love with skiing and fell in love with Little John, her instructor. Little John took Grace on the big ski lift and down mountains that felt like Mt Everest to me (in terms of Grace going down them) and she killed it. They took breaks for snow balls fights, to sit and chat, and to build snow castles. The big kids wanted to be the first and the last on the lift everyday (we skied for 4 days) and I was reminded that while David's waaaaay to daring antics stress me out, we are a good balance because he was able to take the kids on runs that they were totally ready for, but outside of my comfort zone for them. David would take them to do things that would scare me, while Grace and I had play dates in the afternoons on the bunny slopes and then the kids would be so excited to show me all they learned and the blues they were skiing with David the day before. What a treat to have had a morning to ski with just David and a lot of time for David and I to ski with just the big kids (while Grace was in ski school). Our evenings were relaxing as we played family games by the fire (and Grace was Grace... cracking us all up) and mornings were spent doing a family devotional with the most glorious view. While we went hard during the day while the lifts were open, the purposeful time of relaxation was a gift I didn't even know I needed.
Our view (pic does not do it justice... at all) during our morning family devotions...
We rode this gondola a bunch and it never got old... every time Grace thought it was like a ride at Disneyland.
Grace's snow alligator!
God has been talking to me about "resting" for a while now. I've realized that I don't "rest" well... at all... I don't watch tv shows (outside of soccer and football), movies, or read (outside of the bible, devotionals, or books on how to be a better wife, mom). While this might sound really righteous, it is absolutely not and I'm learning it isn't sustainable either. I've learned that this trait has grown out of a life spent in survival mode for the past 8.5 years. It has gotten to a point that I can't sit and relax because I feel like there is always something more "productive" that I could be doing. I want to be purposeful about every minute of my day, and while that is good, when it comes to pouring into my relationship with the Lord, David, the kids, and work.... it is equally as important that I'm purposeful about "resting" and allowing the Lord to renew my heart, mind, and body and not feel guilty about it. It's such a simple concept, after all GOD RESTED... He GAVE us a day of rest! If God did it and clearly provided it for us (He obviously knows our needs since He created us), why would I be so ignorant to think that I don't need it. Well, I've always known I need it, I guess I just forgot how to do it.... the enemy gets so loud and makes me feel like I am being lazy and am forsaking someone or something if I'm not always being purposeful and productive (my definition of purposeful and productive) with every minute of the day. I hear friends talk about binge watching TV shows/movies or reading all these books and it sounds like a foreign language to me, I can't even wrap my brain around how to build that into my life without being mentally tortured that I'm wasting precious time. God used our time in Utah to help me see how to purposefully "rest" and I'm trying to continue to apply those precious lessons. This is why I started this blog post, to acknowledge the beauty of listening to the kids play and soaking it in, instead of making a mental note of it, praising God for it quickly, and then moving on.
That last paragraph might sound crazy and hard to relate to, but it's what God is teaching me in this season of life and I'm trying to be a good student. Like all the lessons taught in God's classroom, it isn't easy because it confronts my self made principles and calls me to die to what I feel is right and noble and embrace what God says, even though it feels contrary to what I find rational... don't do what will help me to check items off my endless "to do list" and ease my fear of dropping a ball and instead, just sit and relax, letting my mind sit idle?!?! I'm discovering that prayerfully allowing myself to be idle (I like that word because it's not totally off/disconnected, but it's not moving one direction or the other either) allows me to see and appreciate His character on display all around us (we miss it if we aren't purposeful about seeing it) so much more. An image of His character that will forever have new meaning to me, is the awe of a snowflake. One afternoon in Utah, Grace and I were catching snowflakes on our gloves. As the snow fell, we were determined to catch the biggest snow "chunk" we could find, but it didn't take long before we started to notice these tiny, but awesome little snowflakes that fell right along with what looked like just chunks of snow. These snowflakes would fall on our gloves and sit there long enough for us to analyze them and marvel at the God who created them... not just a God that is creative and powerful enough to create something so fragile and yet with such intricate detail, but a God that cares so much for His people that He would want to create something beautiful just to bless us. It's not like we need beautiful snowflakes for survival (yes, we need snow that melts into water that ultimately serves as a major resource for our survival, but it doesn't have to involve beautiful snowflakes), I think He created them (and all the other beautiful aspects of His creation that we get to lay our eyes on) because it reveals something to us about Him... He is a powerful, creative, beautiful, gracious, and thoughtful God that cares about the details because it's in those details that He speaks to our hearts in a way that feels like a personalized love note. A note that reminds us He sees and He cares. I pray you are reminded today (and everyday) that you are seen and known by our amazing Heavenly Daddy!
While I didn't get a pic of the snowflakes, Grace did get a lot of random selfies of our play dates in the afternoon 😂
3) We spent a little time with Abby during Christmas break researching colleges, since she is working towards coming up with a list of the top 15-20 schools she would like to attend/play soccer at (some being stretch goals, some reasonable goals, and some that may not be her top choice, but she would still be willing to consider). How did we get here... the realization that my little bestie only has (Lord willing) 4.5 years under our roof is sobering and has sure recalibrated my heart and priories in a hurry. We are tempted to believe that we always have more time, but time is a funny thing...
Time is free, but it's priceless
You can't own it, but you can use it
You can't keep it, but you can spend it
Once you've lost it, you can never get it back
-Harvey Mackay
As I have prayed about having God honoring balance in my life (this, in conjunction with practicing "rest," are my priorities for 2021), God used this real world reminder of how quickly time flies, coupled with the reality that we are all too familiar with... tomorrow isn't promised, to drive me to my knees and seek His guidance as to how to best allocate my time and attention this year (and every year really) in lieu of continuing to allow ourselves to live in survival mode. It is such a gift to watch Abby fiercely pursue her dreams with such grit and determination, so we will continue to join her in praying for God's will for her present and future and praise Him all along the way. Proverbs 3:5-6
4) Andrew's next treatment is scheduled for February 5th. We are anxious for scan results because they will be a clear indicator as to how much impact we can expect from this treatment. We are badly praying for complete healing and we ask that you approach the throne with the same hope and confidence. Andrew's hair has started shedding and he's been a bit self conscious about it, however, I don't think the average person would even notice. He has a lot of hair come out when he is in the shower and David and I can certainly tell when we help him style his hair. Will you please pray that he doesn't lose any more hair for the 4th round of treatment? Andrew's leg is healing.... slowly. They will need to surgically cut out the area that was infected because it's the only way to truly eradicate this extremely difficult-to-treat infection, however, it's location makes that hard. It's on a part of his leg where the skin is very tight, so they are worried that if they cut it out now at the current size, it will leave a wound that will never fully heal. We are treating with oral and topical antibiotics, in an effort to get it as small as possible and make it easier for the surgeon to get out and heal adequately. Will you please pray that the wound would heal amazingly well and the surgeon is able to easily (that it hasn't gone into the bone) take out the necrotic tissue without any issue?
On a side note- One of David and I's favorite marriage conferences/series is Love and Respect (if you haven't read it... run fast and do it, it's a game changer)... Well, I learned that the same author of Love and Respect has a book called Sons and Mothers, The Respect Effect. I just began listening to it and while I have always tried to extrapolate the things I've learned about how men are wired from the Love and Respect series and apply it with Andrew, the practical application of this book for mothers and sons has been awesome! I've been practicing "respect talk" when communicating with Andrew and my mind is blown how such simple changes in the choice of words we use can minister to our boys' hearts in such profound ways. I'm only half way through the book, but wanted to share this resource with you in case you have a son of any age :-).
Thank you for being our faithful Army!!! You continue to bless and sustain us with your prayers!!!
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