Radical hope

I feel sort of behind on posting, so I'm not sure where to pick up other than saying that as it relates to Andrew's pain it has gotten a little better since we changed some of his pain meds. Unfortunately, his body has become desensitized to opioids a good bit, since he has been on them for so long and at such high doses/frequency.  There were a couple of mornings when Andrew didn't wake up with tummy pain and that was amazing, but then we would see the pain return later in the day.  We are still praying that PRRT will radically disarm his tumors and we will see some pain relief and be able to back off on some of his pain meds.  This is a huge prayer of mine because then we will know that something has finally knocked the cancer back some, but also, I hate that I can hardly remember my boy (how different was his personality, his energy level, etc) before pain meds...  before we heard the words that our boy has cancer.  Will you please pray that his scan on Nov. 27th does not show any disease progression (because if there was there would not be any reason to continue with PRRT), but instead his tumors are stable (unchanged) or a home run would be that we already see some regression (highly unlikely this early on, but we serve a big God, so let's ask Him)?  Lord willing, Andrew will receive his second round of PRRT on Nov. 28th.  We scheduled it on that date, so he wouldn't be radioactive over Thanksgiving and his birthday (that would really stink to not be able to be around your family on those two holidays).

This weekend, Andrew and I had a mommy/son date.  We went to ifly (which was super cool), the LEGO store, Cheesecake Factory, watched a movie in our hotel room, and just laughed a lot!  We had such an amazing time together and I couldn't help but praise the Lord all night that Andrew didn't have any tummy the entire day and night.  It was almost unbelievable because he ALWAYS has tummy pain at night.  Naturally, my mind went to trying to theorize why the lack of pain, hoping it could be a mommy's touch (his cancer impacts the endocrine system, which is tied to our emotions, so maybe he was having so much fun that his pain didn't have a chance)...  then came this morning...  He woke up in agonizing pain that turned our morning plans of playing LEGOs and going to breakfast (his favorite type of food is breakfast food) to laying in bed snuggling, crying, praying, reading Scripture, throwing up, and sleeping.  While that was far from the morning I had envisioned, I can't help but wonder if that too was a part of God's blessings on our date.  You see, that may be the worst pain I've ever seen Andrew in, but I was able to love him through it in a way I wish I was able on any other given day; however, the needs of our two other children, work, etc, make it difficult to stop everything and just focus on him.  As I cried with him, rubbed his back, and encouraged him while he threw up, I couldn't help but ask God if this was His idea of bonding time with my boy.  As he sat hunched over the toilet exhausted from throwing up (and looking like he had just run a marathon), Andrew said "thank you for being the best mommy ever.  I'm so proud to call you my mommy and grateful that I get to be your son.  Nobody could ever take care of me like you do."  Once I got him settled in bed in an attempt to sleep off the pain, he reiterated the same sentiment and concluded with "I'm sorry you have to deal with my tummy pain.  I know when I'm in bad pain I can sort of freak out and maybe be unkind, so thank you for helping me through it so much."  I hate that he apologizes to us for his tummy pain because God knows, it's no fault of his own.  Long story short, the time I spent with my boy this weekend was priceless, both the mountain and the valley!

As we continue to live in the fiery furnace, here is what the Lord has recently convicted me of.  I didn't know this, but I realized I have struggled with the fact that I don't have a sliver of statistical hope to hang on to.  You know, even if we were told that we only have 20% chance Andrew would be cured, at least I could be praying that God will allow us to be a part of that 20%.  Instead, the (earthly) statistics for Andrew's case looks more like this...  it is impossible that he will have NED (no evidence of disease) and even if that was achieved, 100% of the time it comes back.  Therefore, without God's radical intervention and healing there is no way Andrew will be free from cancer or be granted a long life with cancer that is well controlled. Once God convicted me of my desire for some earthly statistical hope to hang on to, I realized He is calling me to a radical hope...  the kind of hope rooted in God and only God.  There is nothing else to hang on to except God and the truth is there isn't anything more powerful and able than God.  Will you please continue to pray for Andrew like he is your own boy.  Pray that God would radically heal him and that his faith would be strengthened (as well as the rest of our family)?  THANK YOU!!!!  #Hopeon #butGod  #Heisable

Thanks to Sunshine Kids, we got free tickets to Disney on Ice.  Going with Grace makes everything magical.  She thinks everything is awesome!

While Andrew and I were on our date and Abby was at a birthday party, this is what Grace and David were up to!

I have to end on a super happy note...  last weekend these precious elves surprised the kids by putting up a Disney themed Christmas tree and leaving tons of gifts under the tree.  We are going to Disney World in January (Abby has a soccer tournament there that we are going to make a family vacation), so this helps us get super excited for Christmas and our upcoming trip!  You can't help but smile when you see this tree and it even has a remote control for the lights!