Pop Quiz...

Thank you for once again joining us on the battlefield in prayer this week...  this week has been a rough one, watching Andrew suffer with extreme tummy pain and discouragement.  When the Dr's said that some people experience a lot of pain after PRRT from tumor death, I sort of dismissed the notion because I couldn't imagine Andrew's tummy pain getting any worse than it already was.  I now  know that it is in deed possible for it to be worse.  Every day this week Andrew would suffer from excruciating pain that not even the heaviest doses of pain meds could touch or they didn't even have a chance to touch it because he would throw up from the intensity of the pain, making us wonder if the pain meds even had a chance to enter his system.  He either went to school late or came home early almost every day from school, but then again I still see it as a miracle that he can even go to school most days anyway.  Tonight, Andrew found himself very discouraged because of the relentless pain that he uttered words that breaks a parents heart, saying "sometimes I wonder if it would be better if I wasn't even born because then I wouldn't have to deal with all this pain and you guys wouldn't have to deal with having a kid with cancer."  Wow... talk about conversations that take you out at your knees.  I'm assuming its natural to feel clumsy when it comes to how to handle such heavy conversations and to be petrified of not handling it well, but the good news is that despite the common saying "there is no manual on how to raise kids," there is a manual on how to talk to your kids about their own mortality, God's character, the schemes of the enemy, our identity, what it looks like to set our minds on things above, where our hope comes from, etc.  The Bible keeps us from feeling like we have to manufacture a good response, we can point the kids to what God says about stuff, the hard part comes when it's time walk out that faith/truth with them (put it into action).  For instance, Andrew also expressed that he feels like God has been quiet or feels far away lately.  I have certainly felt that way before, but not at 8 years old (maybe it's because I didn't even know the Lord at his age, but even when I did come to know the Lord, I can't remember a time when I felt like He was quiet until my adult life, when things got real).  We talked about what the teacher does when the children are taking a test...  she's quiet, so as God is allowing him to walk through this pop quiz, He may seem quiet letting him work through the test.  The test being the battle of believing your feelings (that God is far away and this suffering is too much) or your faith (what he knows is true, but can't feel or see it at the moment).  I feel like this is such a mature pop quiz, one that is meant for a grad school student and my boy is only in 3rd grade.  Clearly, God knowing all things, especially Andrew's heart and spiritual maturity, believes He is ready for such a tough pop quiz, but we would appreciate your prayers as Andrew continues to endure tummy pain (however, it IS better the past two days than it was all week.  Andrew has had terrible pain at night, but for the most part it has been minimal during the day and he hasn't thrown up in two days...  PRAISE THE LORD!) and draw near to the Lord, trusting that He is near to the brokenhearted and crushed in spirit and that His plans are not to harm him, but for a hope and a future.  

Andrew and Abigail often times ask me the exact same questions I have for God during my quiet time with Him, so as I share with them what God is teaching me and what we know to be true from Scripture, we get to model what it looks like to trust and hope in the Lord with an expectant hope, not a desperate hope.  You see, I'm realizing my hope in the Lord has been desperate and full of fear at times... fears that He can, but He probably won't, etc.  However, over the course of the past couple of months, the Lord has challenged me to rewrite my definition of hope... so here is where He has called me to camp out, Mark 5:36 (and, of course, it was one of the verses our pastor discussed at church today...  have I mentioned how much I love our church?)

"Don't be afraid. Just believe."

I am choosing to believe (with expectant anticipation) that God will heal Andrew in whatever way and time He knows is best, so I'm going to stop questioning the how, when, and what if He doesn't, until God says otherwise!  

Random pic of the 3 musketeers yesterday 

My Bible study girls and their momma's served at a nursing home today calling bingo.  It was such a simple act of service, but one that I'm certain mattered to the residents, especially to Leon.  All of the residents were in wheel chairs, but Leon was in a wheelchair because he was missing a leg, paralyzed on one side of his body from what I'm guessing was a stroke because his speech is very labored.  I knew there was something special about Leon, but it wasn't until we were about to leave and I crouched down to look Leon in the eyes and tell him how much I enjoyed getting to know him that I felt the Lord insist that I share the gospel with him (not because he didn't know the Lord, but more because he needed the reminder of how much God loved him).  As I reminded him how much God loved him, he teared up.  When I asked him how I could pray for him, he asked for prayers that he would pray more.  I asked him if he would pray for me.  I told him about Andrew and tears began to stream down his face and he was shaking his head as if to say that he couldn't stand the thought.  I told him about Andrew because I wanted Leon to know that Abigail and I knew a little something about suffering.  Together we recounted what Scripture says about God, I would quote Scripture and then he would quote Scripture (somehow, this conversation was so easy despite the fact that I could hardly understand the few words that Leon was able to get out which can only be explained by God's grace).  Abigail and I prayed over him as he wept (and I joined him of course) and when we were done, I saw Leon smile with a smile that melted my heart and I looked behind me to see my precious Bible study girls praying with us.  All I can say is that it was an encounter that I pray blessed Leon, but I think may have been more for me than him.  My time with Leon was a great reminder of 2 Corinthians 1:3-6 and served as pre-game for the conversation I would have with Andrew a few hours later. God is SO good!

Someone took a picture of our time with Leon

Thanks for sticking with me through this long post.  Many of you have asked questions as to how things are going, so I wanted to be honest about where we are :-)

Please continue to pray for Andrew like he is your own!  THANK YOU!!! (((hugs)))